Rikki's 21st Birthday was such a BLAST! Not much to my surprise, I got sabotaged by him to dance on stage infront of a huge crowd. The whole event was awesome, and guess what? I got to dance with Rikki's mom on the dancefloor!

"Rikki's Mom has got it going on! She's all i want and i've waited so long! Rikki can't you see, your just not the guy for me, I know it might be wrong but i'm in love with Rikki's Mom!"

A frisson of awe shot through the secluded hollows of my heart. I sensed an obscure tinge of affection gushing through my bloodstream. I was ensnared in the immense realm of love and devotion, and I couldn't get out of it. It was as if time came to a complete halt - I was flustered, my heart skipped countless beats, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I had to take slow, deep and measured breaths to prevent my breathing from going astray. There were lapses in my thoughts, and I had to get my mental faculty in order. Soon, I got really tongue-tied.

The few seconds of eye contact was intense. I was left speechless by her large, sparkly blue eyes and sharp facial features. Her radiant smile and sunny disposition left me in a trance - I needed her so badly. She was an effervescent babe in an awesome swim-suit. (We were at the Pool-Bar at a Beach Resort in Tioman). The way she said "Hey, I'm Jesse" would make me die with no regrets whatsoever. She was incredibly hot - Half British, Half Chinese - Possibly another undiscovered Wonder of the World. I'd never thought that I would ever lay my eyes on such a beautiful girl in my life.

I could even see Rikki's Taj Mahal when he set his eyes on her - It was so huge, i thought it might be the water's refraction playing tricks on me. Boy, was i wrong!

However, I knew that my feelings for her had to come to an abrupt stop, and I'll have to live the rest of my life with tremendous sorrow. We had a massive age gap - She was merely a ten-year-old prepubescent.

Life is such a breeze when you dont have to work. These people are my ATM Machines!

There was a look of chronic discontent on her face. "Your frivolous party lifestyle is starting to give me the creeps Josh", my mom blurted out just as i was about to leave the house. Smirking gleefully, I responded "Don't tell me pops and you were decent when you guys were my age!" Her facial expression changed abruptly and she looked as if she was completely dumbfounded. "Nothing can get through that thick skull of yours Josh, but Hey, whatever floats your boat man. I couldn't care less anymore." she uttered. Feeling repentent, I inched closer to her, gave her a nice warm hug, and whispered a passionate "I Love You Mom".

(Now you are supposed to say awwwwwwwwwww)

Then after, i was hot on my heels and dashed off to meet the rest of the guys in town, before heading to a safe haven, and also called paradise to many - Dbl O.

Youth is the age of intoxication. The vanquish of self-control, the lapses of consciousness and a vertiginous state of mind are the three major elixirs needed for us to live a life of grandeur and majestic splendour.

It was Ladies Night at Dbl O and the atmosphere was intense. Hordes of scantily clad females infested the understaffed proximity of the club. The girls were young, frolicsome and ostentatious - a tasty treat for my little Frodo. It was only natural to observe blatant disrespect and compromising maneuvers towards the weaker gender at such places. Tawdry intentions filled the air. This is when the term "Finger Licking Good" fits in best.

We met up with the German Exchange Students and two conspicuously alluring local female girls that were with them. Never in my wildest dreams have i ever imagined that beauty could exist in pairs, until i saw the twins that faithful day. Images of "Mary-Kate & Ashley" as well as MTV VJs "May & Choi" flashed through the shallow dimensions of my mind, but then again, I realised that not even these celebrity twins could compare to the appeal that Xeun & Hayden had. They had smiles so enchanting, guys around them seemed to have been bewitched by their astonishing beauty, and were exceedingly willing to sell their souls to them - Free of charge. Perhaps these twins are the undiscovered Eighth Wonder of the World? (I'll be so dead if they happen to chance upon this)

As we strolled deeper into the club, I noticed the voluptuous desire in Scott's eyes as he gazed intently at several remarkably sexy ladies dancing on elevated platforms. He had his eyes so rigidly fixated on certain parts, I figured that he was trapped in a world of his own, deeply indulged in his frightful fantasies. I was so afraid that his little Pikachu might evolve into Raichu that I pryed him away from those dancers and knocked some sense into him. I had to stop the zaps of lightning that were about to be unleashed from his little Raichu's head. Moments later, he started hitting on a girl, leaving me to venture out on my own. What a friend indeed.

Rikki, not much to my surprise, made himself a living human drill. I'm sure he had a quota to meet for the number of holes that he has to drill onto another persons' bottoms. One thing I have to admit about him, he has a quality i'd gladly take my hat off to. This guy has got massive guts. I tried talking to him, but i guess that at such a time, little Rikki did all the thinking. And so, i left him undisturbed, giving him all the space that he needed to meet his boundaryless quota.

I, on the other hand, was much too shy to do anything out of the ordinary. Being the decent guy that I am, I chose a path of absolute isolation and solitude. Hitting on girls is definitely not my forte, and i merely smiled to myself seeing how my friends grinded each other. It is a must to get out of my self-inhibitation. Now i understand why my love-life is so wretched, with only one ex-girlfriend, three years ago. I need some kind of psychaitric treatment to open myself up. Recommendations, anyone?

It was way past midnight. In the stillness of the night, i tossed about in bed. Sleep seemed to have renounced me, and i was gravely absorbed in the wilderness of my invigorating imagination. Strangely, mental images of females with colossal beauty and poise started running through the unfathomable abyss of my head. Being a heterosexual who has undergone the deadly effects of puberty, i savored each and every moment of these hormone-provoking flashes.

Suddenly, to my abominal horror, these celestial thoughts instantly evolved into flashbacks featuring much lower beings, memories which haunt me till today - The faces of my Primary and Secondary school Chinese teachers. At this moment of dire predicament, my mini Eifle Tower abruptly transformed into the Leaning Tower Of Pisa. I groaned in violent displeasure.

Chinese teachers were my arch-enemies when i was schooling. Coming from a background in which everyone communicated predomiminantly in English and none whatsoever in Mandarin, i had a drastic time adjusting to the frequency of Chinese classes. I would never pay the slightest attention to them, and would spend all my time thinking of ways to create mischief and to wreak devastation in class. My mom's handphone soon became a toll-free hotline for Cheena teachers. They called up so often, my poor mom had a standard script prepared when answering to their complaints. Thanks mom! You're my man!

I can hardly string a proper sentence in Mandarin, maybe except for those regarding profanites and female genitals. Yes, female genitals! Being in an all-boys school for too long made us really curious, and haven't you heard? Curiousity killed the Pussy.

I remember vividly that there was once in Primary school when i deliberately told my female Chinese teacher (who also gave us tuitions) : "Lao Shi, Wo Hen Xi Huan ni de 'Pussy' ", knowing that she'll take it as Wo Hen Xi Huan Ni De 'Bu Xi' (which meant tuition) - and she replied with a smile, "Xi Huan Wo De 'Bu Xi' Jiu Hao".

But ofcourse, i chose to take it the wrong way and laughed all the way back home.

I Love Saint Michael's.